It's Painful Not To Belong

Joanne Lockwood speaks with Lysette Offley, founder of Genius Material and the Genius Principles, about why not belonging can be profoundly painful and how it affects learning, confidence, and performance.

Lysette shares personal experiences of feeling caught between groups at school and how those early signals of exclusion shaped her understanding of inclusion versus belonging. Together, they explore how belonging differs from simply being included, and how “masking” or hiding parts of yourself can be exhausting and limit your ability to do your best work.

The conversation moves into psychological safety, identity, and the ways people seek tribes and in-groups for reassurance. They discuss confidence, imposter feelings, perfectionism, and what it means to be “good enough,” including examples from auditions and workplace progression.

They also touch on recruitment and selection, bias, and how narrow definitions of “best candidate” can undermine fair opportunity and real inclusion. Lysette recounts her experience being featured on Grand Designs, including the impact of online criticism and what it taught her about vulnerability and belonging in public spaces. Joanne also references his own experience of transition and being visible in the media, and the safeguarding that can help.

Lysette closes by sharing how listeners can find her work supporting learning strategies and mindset tools that help people step forward, feel safe, and thrive.