Reclaiming Intimate Connection

In this episode, Jo Lockwood speaks with sex and intimacy educator Xanet Pailet about what it takes to restore intimacy in long-term relationships. The conversation focuses on how emotional disconnection, shame, stress, and routine can cause sex and closeness to fade over time, and why expanding the definition of sex beyond penetration can open up new possibilities for connection.

Xanet shares parts of her own experience of a long sexless marriage and explains how trauma, pain, and lack of communication contributed to that disconnect. She also offers a practical, sex-positive approach to helping couples talk about desire, fantasy, and changing needs without blame or judgment. A recurring theme is the importance of emotional safety: if people do not feel safe to speak honestly, intimacy is difficult to rebuild.

The episode also explores flirting, playfulness, novelty, and making time for connection outside the bedroom as ways to sustain desire in long-term partnerships. Xanet highlights her Intimacy Equation quiz as a tool for helping couples begin conversations more gently and identify their intimacy style. The overall message is that lasting intimacy depends on communication, curiosity, and a willingness to keep learning about one another.