Standing in the middle and feeling excluded

Tom Morley joins Joanne Lockwood to unpack what it means to be “standing in the middle and feeling excluded” — a pattern that began in childhood as the youngest of four brothers, and followed him into adult life. Tom shares how he tried to engineer inclusion by becoming a vocal harmony facilitator, imagining that being the person in the centre would automatically guarantee belonging, only to discover that attention and leadership don’t necessarily translate into real connection.

They explore how authenticity changes the equation: instead of performing for approval or trying to control how others see you, genuine inclusion can come from turning up as yourself, naming what’s true, and allowing relationships to form naturally. Alongside this, Tom and Joanne talk candidly about resilience and mental wellbeing, including experiences of depression, nervous breakdowns, and the practical value of techniques like CBT.

The conversation also turns to pandemic life and work: how lockdown reshaped connection, changed what team-building looks like online, and created new anxieties about returning to workplaces. Tom shares practical ideas for reintegration and trust-building — including check-ins and creating space for people to speak honestly — and reflects on why we shouldn’t rush back to old norms without acknowledging what people have been through.