--- title: "Healing Begins With Belonging" episode: 180 date: 2025-10-23 guest: "Tenya Eickenberg" canonical: https://inclusionbites.co.uk/podcast/180-healing-begins-with-belonging audio: https://cdn.seech.uk/podcast/episodes/ibs-180/audio.mp3 --- # Healing Begins With Belonging Joanne Lockwood is joined by mind, body, and energy facilitator Tenya Eickenberg for a conversation about how healing and belonging intertwine, and why so many people struggle to feel safe enough to acknowledge what they’re carrying. Tenya shares her own experience of emotional stress, self-medicating with alcohol and smoking, and reaching a point where she recognised she needed help. Together, they talk openly about stigma, shame, and the fear that can stop people from speaking up about mental health, as well as why traditional routes like talk therapy and medication may not feel accessible or effective for everyone. The episode also explores Tenya’s approach to self-healing through self-care and energy-based modalities, including muscle testing and the “emotion code,” with an emphasis on listening to the body, releasing what no longer serves, and building habits that support long-term wellbeing. Practical themes include tuning into intuition, making conscious choices day by day, and setting and upholding boundaries—especially in family relationships. Across the discussion, the core message is that belonging is rooted in self-recognition and authenticity, and that sustainable change often begins with personal responsibility, compassion, and creating emotionally safe spaces for ourselves and others. ## Chapters - 00:00 — Introduction and Welcome - 01:30 — Prioritising a Strong Marriage - 06:02 — Finding Home and Family Joy - 08:36 — Smoking and Suppressing Stress - 10:45 — Meditation, Mental Health Journey - 17:33 — Healing Inherited Energies Naturally - 18:39 — Seeking Healing Through Energy Therapy - 22:49 — Shifting Mindsets and Energy Healing - 26:16 — Reality Shaped by Consciousness - 31:44 — Mastering Muscle Testing Basics - 33:31 — Body Intuition and Emotional Testing - 38:32 — Personal Transformation and Belief - 40:13 — Holistic Health and Wellness Pillars - 44:12 — Leading by Example for Health - 47:17 — Setting Boundaries and Enforcing Consequences - 51:30 — Prioritising Self Care First - 54:51 — Inclusion Bites: Join Us ## Key takeaways - The process of recognising emotional and energetic blocks as the first step towards genuine healing. - Practical techniques for identifying and releasing negative patterns, including muscle testing and intuitive enquiry. - The influence of intergenerational trauma and inherited belief systems on personal wellbeing. - Why self-care—beyond physical acts—demands emotional intelligence, boundary-setting, and reflection. - The necessity of prioritising personal responsibility and choice in sustaining mental, emotional, and physical health. - Understanding how our lived example can quietly influence and inspire positive change in those around us. - Embracing a multidimensional approach to healing: integrating physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual pillars for authentic transformation. ## FAQs ### What is the central theme of this episode? The episode centres around the notion that healing, both individually and collectively, begins with a profound sense of belonging. The conversation explores how establishing inclusive, safe spaces enables personal transformation and the empowerment to overcome emotional and energetic barriers. --- ### Who is the guest, and what expertise does she bring? Tenya Eickenberg is the featured guest. She is a mind, body, and energy facilitator specialising in helping people release emotional and energetic blockages. Her work encourages individuals to shed what no longer serves them and embrace their most authentic selves. --- ### What personal journey did Tenya share regarding healing and transformation? Tenya discussed her own challenges with emotional and mental health. After facing significant family changes and personal struggles, including depression and anxiety, she sought healing beyond conventional approaches. Dissatisfied with traditional therapy and medication, she turned to energy healing modalities, such as the Emotion Code, to address her needs holistically. --- ### How does Tenya define ‘energy healing’, and what methods does she use? Energy healing, according to Tenya, is an approach that considers the interconnectedness of mind, body, and spirit. She advocates for methods like muscle testing (kinesiology) and the Emotion Code, which involve identifying and releasing trapped emotions and inherited traumas that may reside anywhere in the body, not just the mind. --- ### Does Tenya believe energy healing replaces traditional medicine? No. Tenya emphasises a complementary approach. She acknowledges the value of medical intervention but believes energy healing offers an additional, non-pharmaceutical way to address issues, particularly when individuals seek deeper, long-lasting change rather than symptom management alone. --- ### How does one begin to identify and release emotional or energetic blockages? Tenya recommends practicing muscle testing to attune to one's intuition and subconscious. For beginners, she suggests using simple tests with foods to differentiate between what one’s body desires and does not. Once comfortable, one can ask about specific emotions—such as loneliness or anxiety—and use symbolic actions (e.g., deep breathing, snapping fingers) to facilitate release. --- ## Transcript Joanne Lockwood: Foreign. Welcome to Inclusion Bites, your sanctuary for bold conversations that spark change. I'm Joanne Lockwood, your guide on this journey of exploration into the heart of inclusion, belonging and societal transformation. Ever wondered what it truly takes to create a world? Remember, everyone not only belongs, but thrives. You're not alone. Join me as we uncover the unseen, challenge the status quo and share stories that resonate deep within. Ready to dive in? Whether you're sipping your morning coffee or winding down after a long day, let's connect, reflect and inspire action together. Don't forget, you can be part of the conversation too. Reach out to jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk to share your insights or to join me on the show. So adjust your earbuds and settle in. It's time to ignite the spark of inclusion with Inclusion Bites. And today is episode 180 with the title Healing Begins with Belonging. And I have the absolute honour and privilege to welcome Tenya Eichenberg. Tenya is a mind, body, energy facilitator who helps people clear, emotional and energetic blocks to heal, transform and thrive. And when I asked Tina to describe her superpower, she said that it is being able to empower others to release what no longer serves and step into their most authentic selves. Hello, Tenya, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited. It's a pleasure. And I'm guessing from your accent, you're not in the uk? Tenya Eickenberg: I'm not. I'm in the. In the States, on the other side of the pond. Joanne Lockwood: That side of the pond, yeah. Whereabouts? I'm in Maryland, Tenya Eickenberg: just outside of Washington, dc. Yep. Been to Joanne Lockwood: New York? I've never made. I've never made Washington state or anywhere around there. So, yeah, one day. One day. Maybe in five years time. So it's coming up for Easter, you got anything planned? Tenya Eickenberg: My son is moving. My son is moving out of our home. My husband and I are going to become empty nesters. Wow. Joanne Lockwood: Exciting. Yeah, so that's happening. We're actually going to start Tenya Eickenberg: moving him and his girlfriend in today and then they'll officially move everything in on Friday. So we're going to be helping them set up Friday and then we're just going to kind of enjoy the weekend with some Easter plans with where we get to meet my. Meet his girlfriend's family. So that's exciting. Yeah. And then probably on Easter, we're probably just going to chill out. We're going to stay at a campground and just enjoy each other's company for a day. Reconnect to each other as, Joanne Lockwood: as life partners. Yeah, that was, that's one thing Tenya Eickenberg: that we've always strived to make consistent throughout our marriage. We'll be married 29 years this year together for 30. We have a 28 year old daughter and then our twins are 25 and we also have a granddaughter who's gonna be born within the next week or two. So lots of changes going on in this next week, next two weeks. But yeah, we always made it a point to, to put our relationship kind of the main focus of our foundation because we knew that one day our kids were going to move out and it was gonna be him and I that were gonna be left holding up the fort and we wanted to make sure that we had a good foundation for when we went into that, that space that we could support each other just as a couple. Hmm. Joanne Lockwood: I mean you're probably say seven or eight years behind us. Our son was the final one to move out. Yeah, about seven or eight years ago. But yeah, our daughter's in her 30s, married our son's, he's in his 30s as well now and got a lot a long term partner which he's living with. So yeah, it's important to reconnect, isn't it? Because if you sit on the sofa looking at each other going, what are we worried about? What are we going to do now? It's a real strange feeling to go back to that time before children BC right when you used to lay in on a Saturday morning and go, well it's nothing to do today. We're just laze around. We could do whatever we want. No one cares if we don't go out. Don't, don't, don't, don't put any clothes on today. No one's going to notice. Right? Right. Tenya Eickenberg: Yeah. Well, we didn't really have, have that couple time before we started dating. And then three months later I became pregnant and then a year later we got married. So our oldest was six weeks old when we got married. Lovely. So we've always had children during our marriage and we really only we have never lived together alone because we lived with roommates before I got pregnant. Well actually no, we lived with roommates when I found out I was pregnant. So we've, you know, we've always had somebody else there during our relationship, whether it was in utero or, you know, as a big human. I mean we've gone on vacations just the two of us, but really never been longer than a week, maybe 10 days at most. It's Quite exciting. Then it is really Joanne Lockwood: a new chapter in your life. Yeah. Yeah, it's very exciting, but we're definitely very Tenya Eickenberg: excited for it. Yeah. My wife and I, we have. We love Joanne Lockwood: our time together. Yeah. And we love it when our children visit, and we love it when our parents come as well, because we're at that family generation. We've got responsibility for the elder generation as well as the. You can't get rid of responsibility no matter what age you are these days. So you talk about healing and helping others thrive. What got you into what you do and creating these sort of safe spaces for transformation within people. I was looking for a safe space. Tenya Eickenberg: In 2018, we had the most amazing year for our family until this point, where we are now extending our family into grandchildren. In 2018, both my husband and our oldest were graduating from college. Our twins were graduating from high school, and we were moving to our forever home right here, right off the Chesapeake Bay in Maryland. And we have been wanting to move back to this place. And so I had this vision of what it was going to be like because in this community I have, My best friend was living here. Her family was living here. And this is the place I lived when I was 15 years old, when my dad got stationed in Maryland in the Air Force. And so this is where I met my two best friends. And it was. It just had held a lot of memories and a lot of fun and a lot of love. And so I really wanted to move back here. And so we had the opportunity to do that when a friend told us that they were selling their house and would we like to buy it. And that was in. That was in, like, February or March of 2018. And we're like, well, you know, when you're ready, let us know. And. And we'll. We'll start the ball rolling. And like, June, they were like, okay, so we're ready to. To get the ball rolling. Is this still something you want to do? And we said yes. And so within six months of saying yes, we had re. Re redone our townhome. So put it on the market. We put it on the market in September, sold it in October, moved in in November. So incredibly quick. Which to me, knowing what I know now about the law of attraction and energy work, when you're in flow, things move quite quickly. And that moved quite quickly. Downside was we were moving to the beach in the winter, which totally sucks because you can't enjoy sitting on the beach and wading through the water. And mid November, it's. It's too cold and it's dreary and it's no fun. So we were kind of secluded from everybody for like the first six months. We'd go over to people's houses, but it just was not what I had envisioned. And then summer hit and we were able to start getting outside. But prior to that I'd had a bit of a falling out with my mom. And it caused a lot of stress emotionally for me. And I started to self medicate. I started to drink and smoke. I hadn't smoked for like eight years. And I started smoking again partially because I was around people who were smoking. It was easy access to this old drug that I used to use to hide my emotions to relax through traumatic events. I started smoking when I was 13, so it wasn't hard to pick back up and remember how good it made me feel when I was feeling extremely stressed and emotional. And then of course I added in the alcohol because we're sitting on the beach so you want to have your margaritas and, and all that stuff. And so I really suppressed a lot of things for about a year. And I knew that things were getting bad when I would start driving home from work and I would imagine what would happen if I just let my van run into a telephone pole. How would that make me feel? Could I get a few days off? Because I was under the mindset that I can't, I can't take vacation days because what if I get sick and I really need em, or actually on the flip side, I wanted to use them for vacations so then I couldn't use em for sick. That was probably more true than, than the other way. Like I wanted to be able to take an entire week off and go someplace and relax with my husband. And I couldn't do that if I took mental health days. Cause I only had, at that time, I think I only had two weeks a year to take off, you know, and then your weekends are filled with, with stuff you can't get done during the week when you're working 40 hours a week. And I was working an hour from home. So I was out of the house for 10 hours a day, 11 hours a day, depending on what was going on that day. And so I got to the point where I was like, I, I'm thinking about hurting myself. I need, I need help. And at the time I only knew the traditional roots talk therapy and medication because I grew up with a mother who was diagnosed bipolar when I was 7 or 8 years old. And that was the first time meditation was brought into my life, but it was never anything that was taught to me. It wasn't anything that was for an eight or nine year old to do so. And then after we, we actually, we were living in England at the time when my mom was diagnosed and she had to deal with her own mental illness and so she didn't have the capacity to, to teach us kids how to handle our own emotions, our own mental health. But I had seen her go to therapy and she had been on medication for as long as I can remember. So I went that route and was on it for about six to eight weeks. And both the doctor and the therapist, the doctor wanted to up my medication. When I said it wasn't working so well. And talk therapy, it just felt like I was talking about the same things I had talked about for years with other therapists. Not saying that anything that they were doing was wrong. It just wasn't right for me. And I didn't feel like you asked about that safe space. I didn't feel safe enough with either of them to tell them that I had thought about hurting myself because I didn't know them. You know, sharing that you are thinking of hurting yourself or taking your own life with somebody you don't know if is hard. Sharing it with somebody you do know is even harder. So, so, you know, think about what it takes for somebody to take their own life. They think that, that, that is the easiest option to telling somebody that they're thinking about hurting themselves. Because we have seen nothing. But in the movies, TV shows, whenever somebody has said that they, they feel crazy or they feel insane or they're feeling certain ways, certain feelings. Even if, if they're saying like I, I feel like I'm gonna hurt myself, the next scene is always them being in either a padded room or some, a room by themselves, sitting on a bed. There's there, there doesn't seem to be, at least in the past, that I have seen a good representation of what happens if you tell somebody I feel like I'm going to hurt myself. Have you seen anything, anything that would encourage people to be okay with saying I'm hurting and I feel like I don't want to be here anymore. Joanne Lockwood: It's all caught up in stigma and shame, guilt, not being strong enough, not being capable enough. You know, I'm a strong woman. How can I be like this? I associate this, that feeling with other people, not with me. I don't want to be a failure. I don't want to admit I'm broken. That's Part of my. I think this is what you're saying to yourself, isn't it? Part of the problem here is that I'm failing. And that. And to face up to it makes me feel more of a failure. Having to admit it, having. Having emotions Tenya Eickenberg: makes us feel broken. And I'll be the first to admit, because I'm still human, that there are times when I try to still hide me getting upset. Now my kids know that I'm a very easy crier. And when I'm watching movies that are very compassionate and heartfelt, they will be the first ones to look at me to see if I'm okay. And I'm always crying because it's just how I feel emotions. But when I'm out in public, I will still find myself trying to push those down because I don't want the attention of feeling my emotions. But we need to feel our emotions. So It's a catch 22. It's like, how do you get comfortable with feeling your emotions when you're having them? It's really hard to do because you really do have to navigate how other people might react to you because they don't know how to deal with your emotions because they don't know how to deal with their own emotions. Joanne Lockwood: When you are. When you were going down this. I don't know if this is a good metaphor or not going down this slope towards this, I suppose this mental anxiety you were facing or whatever, however you describe it, looking back on that time, can you see the triggers and the steps that were sucking you into that further and further? At the time you were looking for alcohol, nicotine, as ways of avoiding you dealing with the real problem? These were sort of. These were boosting brain chemicals that made you feel better about yourself or less worse. Tenya Eickenberg: Yes. Looking back, I can absolutely see how I was reaching for a cigarette first thing in the morning to help suppress what I knew would come up later in the day. I would, you know, I would sit out on our deck smoking a cigarette, scrolling through what, you know, TikTok and just mind numb. I couldn't. Every time my phone would ring and my mom would pop up on the screen, I could feel my body tense up. Anytime my dad would call, I would tense up because I'm sure it had something to do with my mom because my dad never calls. So it was, you know, it was always. And I would always wait for. If it had been a couple of months since there had been eggs breaking, I would wait for. Wait for the. The call that would cause me to have to walk on eggshells. Do you think some of this links Joanne Lockwood: back to your family history of bipolar? Absolutely. These are manic episodes. So people around you would have realised that Tina's having a manic episode here, not knowing what to do with it. I think I was definitely afraid of that. Tenya Eickenberg: Right. Because for as long as I could remember, my mom would always tell me that bipolar disorder runs in our family. You have a 50, 50 chance of getting it. But I always said, oh, no, whatever my mom gets starts with her and ends with her. And I think that is. And this is where, again, our belief systems come into play and intentions come into play because we don't have to inherit what our parent, who our parents are. My mom also has several illnesses that are hereditary, but nobody before her has them and nobody in my family is going to have it. It's not being passed down through me. And I think that has really helped me in moving towards the energy healing aspect of it. Because through energy healing you can clear out those inherited energies, those, those things that are passed down from generation to generation to generation. And when I, when I, when I told myself I'm, I'm not gonna, I don't wanna be on medication. I think medication is great for short term and I know a lot of people are not going to agree with that because a lot of people have had much success being on medications for their anxiety and depression for, for decades. And congratulations. I am so glad that you found something that worked for you, but it doesn't work for everybody and it wasn't working for me. And so that's when I, I asked the universe, I asked God, whoever was listening, give me something that is going to get rid of this anxiety and depression, get me something that is going to cure it. I was looking for a cure. I was not looking to manage my mental illnesses. I was not looking to survive through my mental illnesses. I wanted them gone. And that's when energy healing came into my awareness. And to be honest, I was sceptical at first because it was the emotion code that came into my awareness. And if you haven't heard of the emotion code, it's using muscle testing or kinesiology to test your body's muscular system for yes and no answers, for truth and false answers, for your subconscious, for your body, for you alone, not anybody else. And so I was like, do I drink this purple Kool Aid? Because I wasn't gonna be taking, I wasn't going to ingest anything because that was, that was the belief that I had had for so Long that I had to one, give my power away to somebody else to heal me. And two, because my anxiety and depression have always, I've always been told it's a chemical imbalance. And so if it's a chemical imbalance, then you have to treat it with chemical to rebalance it. But the emotion code required no medications, it required not ingesting any chemicals, which was exactly what I was looking for. So is, Joanne Lockwood: is it your belief or your theory that a lot of how the body reacts is fed from signals from the brain? So if you reprogram your brain in a more positive way, I'm not saying it will cure everything, but it will certainly influence how the body responds. Is that the basic theory? Yeah. Although I don't think it's. I don't think it, Tenya Eickenberg: I don't think that it is just about the brain. It is about every single organ in our body. When we don't feel emotions and we're. I'm going to use just this lifetime because I'm a believer that we don't only have one lifetime. I believe that we have, we live as a soul that has lived on different timelines, different lifetimes. And our soul brings that experience into wherever we are today. With that, we bring whatever that soul is holding onto. So even though our soul is, is coming here to have a human experience, it's had many human experiences and it brings all of that knowledge. But with that knowledge comes any trauma that they may have attached themselves to in those other lifetimes or in those other timelines. Right. So, so it's very woo woo. You know, a lot of people are not on that same wavelength. They think that we, you know, our brains are what's controlling everything and once our bodies are dead, that's it, we're gone. But that's not my belief. So I think that our bodies hold onto so much and from this lifetime we can have trapped emotions stuck in our shoulder, we can have them stuck in our hips, we can have it stuck in our bladder. So it's not just about the mind. And even though our mind has, has been tested to be controlling a lot of what we do as humans, I don't think science is gotten everything right, hasn't gotten everything to show us the big picture. Yeah, I Joanne Lockwood: can relate to the concept that we don't know everything and what we do know is based on, largely on observation and there are things we can't observe that just happen and anything. I want to call that spirituality, want to call that bigger being, whatever. I don't have any proof either way? Not a, an overly, I'm not, I'm not a religious person at all. But I, I, I do have a, what I would call a spirituality, a Buddhism without the religion sort of thing. It's, it's about interconnection with the world and people and self, I guess, without any, any, without any definition of what that means. My life is better when I'm connected with myself and my environment. Right? Right. And it's not just connecting with your, with your mind, it's Tenya Eickenberg: connecting with your heart, it's connecting with your entire being. And with that being said, when we do the conscious work, when we do do mindset work, it does work. It does take quite a while though. I mean you, when you are retraining your brain, retraining, really looking at your belief systems and, and asking yourself, do I still want to believe this? Do I still want, you know, do I still want to believe that the sky is blue? Right? It then you have to say, okay, so if I don't want to believe that the sky is blue anymore, what colour do I want it to believe that it is? And how do I change my mindset around? Well, you've got all of these other people over here that are saying, oh no, but the sky is blue. And you've got yourself over here going, yeah, but, but is it really? Because some of it looks white, some of it looks purple. It all depends on when you're seeing it, what time of day are you seeing it? So it can take a long time to shift your mindset into whatever it is that your, your, your goal is, when will you bring energy healing into it to help to clear away those emotions or those stuck trauma energies. Just these balls of energy, you know, those little prickly things you get on your socks when you walk through a field. So that's how I see energ the, these trauma energies, these, these stuck emotions, these negative energies that are impacting our physical body as well as our spirit and our souls. When we find those, we can pluck them out. Problem is sometimes they're so hidden, like they're so stuck down in your socks. You can feel it, but you can't find it. Right? So in a sense, you want to take your entire, you want to take your sock off and you want to start picking them out because they're hurting you. But you can't do that with your body. You can't just take your meat suit off and pick out all the trauma energies with muscle testing and charts. Right? Just, just there's an emotion code chart that has like 60 different emotions. You can muscle test your body to find do you have a trapped emotion of anxiety? And if you get a yes, okay, you ask, can, can I release it? And you might get a no, because you might need to know more about it. You might need to know how old you were when you got the emotion. You might need to know if the emotion is inherited or did you absorb it from somebody else that you were standing next to. And if you need to know those kinds of things, your body will tell you. You find out what you need to know and, and then you ask, can I release it? And then you release it. With the emotion code, you swipe your governing meridian and this is where. This is where. Again, I was sceptical about using this energy work. It had nothing to do with, is it the devil? Is it, is it entities, is it anything like that? Had nothing to do with that. It was just the, the newness of what this modality was and how easy, really, how easy it was to feel better and that I didn't have to wait six to eight weeks to see if I was feeling better. So, yeah, so, you know, once you're, you're able to release it, you get that, yes, I can release this. That's how easy it is to clear and release what's no longer serving you. I suppose one of my core beliefs Joanne Lockwood: is that my entire reality is generated by my consciousness. Whatever my consciousness is, we call it my programme, my AI, my brain, whatever it is. So everything I look, feel, see, touch, experience has been generated from electrical stimulus into my consciousness. And that creates a pattern or a process. And I also have a belief that how I process things is unique to me. And when you say the sky is blue, how I define blue in my mind isn't necessarily how you define blue in your mind, red. We all interpret that wavelength of light in our own way, which is why some of us like these two colours together. And some of us don't like those two colours together because there's a clash or whatever it may be. The taste. Everything we experience is all based on our brains taking stimulus and processing them. In fact, this entire conversation is made up in my own mind. I'm being told that you're there because I can see you through my eyes, I can hear you through my ears, but those are just senses and those electrical stimulus is going into my brain and the brain process them. So I can support the idea completely that our consciousness can override much of what we think, feel and believe. If we learn to train it and focus on it. So yeah, everything you're saying there, I could believe. Yeah, yeah. And we start Tenya Eickenberg: getting trained on what to believe the day we're born. Right. Because our parents start to instil their beliefs in us right from the beginning. And then our teachers start to instil in us the beliefs of the school system. It's not until we get to be 12 or 13 years old we start to question our own beliefs and they call it revival. Why? Why? The why? Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, it's like, was it like 3 or 4 years old when they start asking why? Why? But, but then we become teenagers and we start to rebel against our belief systems. Whatever. Yeah, Joanne Lockwood: that's right, right. Whatever. Belief systems have been instilled in us. Tenya Eickenberg: Our kids did it, we did it. It's just a part of, of being human is, is figuring out who you are. However, if you are in an environment where the belief systems of your parents are continually being instilled in you, it's very hard sometimes to change your belief system until you get out of the house. And once you do that, then you can really start to figure out who you are if you have the opportunity to, if you allow yourself to. Problem is, we hold so much judgement about ourselves when looking at other people that it's very hard to figure out who we are if we're not encouraged to do so. Yeah. Because if we're not careful, we Joanne Lockwood: swap our parental models for other figures of authority in education, in our friend group, in government, in whatever it may be. And we can take this left hand fork and go one way or right hand fork and go bad. So we're all one decision, a left, right decision away from changing our lives for the better or for the worse. Tenya Eickenberg: Yeah. Yeah. So with these, with these. When you find these energies in our body, sometimes we have to know the exact location, sometimes we don't. But letting them go frees up that space in your energy, frees up that space in your physical body and allows your body to heal the way that it's meant to. Our bodies are incredibly restorative, but when they're holding onto so much trauma, and if you tell me that you don't have any trauma in your life, you're blinded. Everybody has trauma. Everybody has been affected by it in some way. Whether it is watching your parents go through trauma, being bullied at school or told by a teacher that you're not good enough because you got to see on a paper, or, you know, going through high school and wanting to to date a particular person and that person not giving you the time of day. We all go through traumatic experiences. It's just a matter of whether our conscious mind remembers it or not. But your body is always going to remember. So what's the process that I can Joanne Lockwood: start to connect these energy dots to either traumas, things, emotional baggage, stress, anxiety. Because presumably there are different techniques for different parts of the body, different situations. You can't just say with one, one formula, here's some energy you gotta tune in. Have you got to tune it and focus it. Right? So first I would, I would suggest Tenya Eickenberg: that you learn how to muscle test, because this is the easiest way, at least in my opinion. Cause it's how I. I learned. It's to get in touch with your intuition, to get in touch with your subconscious and start testing it with foods. So to do a sway test, you're just gonna hold the food against your body and you're going to ask either out loud or in your mind, does my body want this? And if you sway forward, typically that's a yes. If you sway backwards, typically it's a no. But your ego is going to get in the way in the beginning. So you have to practise it and you have to be, you have to be consistent. When I started learning muscle testing, I was doing, with the sway test, I was probably doing 20 to 30 tests a day. And then when I wanted to switch to doing muscle testing with my fingers, I went to doing like a hundred questions a day. And it's just based, based off of the sensations in your body. So start with that just very simple test with food. And I will, I will tell you, I guarantee anything that comes out of your cabinet is going to be a no. Because our bodies don't like processed food, so, so do choose processed foods versus fruits and vegetables and kind of gauge it that way. Once you feel like you have that, you're confident in that. And this builds confidence in ourselves as well, because you really get to know what your. What you want as a person, because you start to feel the sensations in your body. You can sit there, close your eyes and ask your body to show me a yes and, and you might get, excuse me, you might get goosebumps, you might yawn, you might have to take a deep breath, you might shiver a little bit, but your body will tell you yes or no. It's just a matter of tuning into. That, some of this moving it from Joanne Lockwood: unconscious decision making to conscious decision making. So we're trying to get our prefrontal cortex Engaged here by saying, I want slowing down the thought process and leaning in or leaning away is all about being mindful about that decision we're making rather than just grabbing, going, yeah, yeah, I'll have that, whatever. And then regretting afterwards. Didn't really fancy that. Why did I eat that for? So it's having that conversation with yourself before you do something rather than living with a regret afterwards. Is that kind of the approach? Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And you can always go against what your Tenya Eickenberg: body's at, what your body wants too. I mean, there are times my body does not like Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. I guarantee every time, every time I ask, does my body want this? I get a no. But my mind still likes the taste of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, so I will still eat them because I'm human and I enjoy them. But once you, once you learn that process of understanding what your body wants, either through muscle testing or through your intuition, then you can start to ask, do I have a trapped emotion of loneliness? And if you sway forward or muscle test with your fingers and it, and it locks strong. So I use, I use the ring to ring method. So when I get a yes, it locks. When I get a no, it releases. So you can do that as well. But when you get that, presumably you. Can Joanne Lockwood: also evaluate the strength of that resistance as well. So I'm a little bit bothered. Oh, I'm a lot bothered. Right, yeah, yeah, Tenya Eickenberg: yeah. But you can, you can use muscle testing to ask, do I have a trapped emotion of loneliness? And if you get a yes, then you ask, can I let it go? Can I release it? Can I transmute it? Well, whatever words come to your mind and if you get a yes, then you say, okay, I release loneliness. Or if you're practising the emotion code, you can, if it helps, you can sway, you know, rub across your, your governing meridian. You can use a pendulum. Whatever. Whatever works for you is what's going to help you to heal. And that's what I want. So you're trying to link a symbol, some symbolism to Joanne Lockwood: the event. You can snap. You can snap if you want. I'm letting it go. I mean, I often have a mythical piece of paper which I scrunch up into a ball and throw it in the bin. I don't need to be dealing with that. Goodbye. Yeah, so it's symbolic. Tenya Eickenberg: Exactly, exactly. Whatever you can, you know, you can take a deep breath and, and blow it out real hard. Whatever, whatever empowers you to let that stuff go. And, and this is What I stress to my clients is that we have the power as human beings to heal ourselves from everything we do. But the question is, how deeply ingrained is. Is whatever it is you're trying to heal, how deep does it go? How long might it take to heal? And is it in your highest and best to heal that? Because you may be trying to heal. Like right now, I'm working on healing my hypothyroidism. I'm working on healing my thyroid through energy work, because I don't. Because when I take the medications, I don't feel. I don't feel better. I don't feel worse. I don't. But I don't feel better. My. My labs are better, but I don't feel better. And so it is in my highest and best to work on my thyroid energetically. But it might not be my highest and best to address, say, my eyesight. It might be that that is just part of the human experience that I'm supposed to travel through by having to use readers or get glasses. And I may not be able to heal my eyesight right there. There is. There are things that we may, as human beings, are supposed to learn from through this human experience. I'm definitely not against medical intervention. I don't want that to come across as that. I don't think that doctors are valuable because I think they are incredibly valuable. Problem is, one doctor does not know your whole body. Yeah. I think you have Joanne Lockwood: to appreciate there are things that you have within your control and there are things you don't have in your control. And even when you're going to the doctor and getting medication or whatever it may be, you still have to take the medicine. Yes, I still have to put my glasses on. I can't expect my eyes to be fixed without putting my glasses. So I take some personal responsibility to take the tablet every day. If I don't, it doesn't work. Right. So, yeah, there's an agreement with myself and the person that's helping me to allow that to work. And I have to believe in it, because if I don't believe it's going to help, I won't take it. I won't do it. I won't get better. Right. And that's the same thing with energy Tenya Eickenberg: work, you know, to a degree, you have to believe in it. You really do. To a degree, you have to believe that what you're doing is helping you. And that's. That's why. That's why addicts have a hard time sometimes quitting, taking drugs because they truly believe that the cocaine is helping them. Right. Well, it also applies, you know, if you have a strong Joanne Lockwood: faith, religion or belief, and that helps you and it's strong enough so that it manifests itself really to you, then why am I going to deny that that works for you? Because that's your way of processing your. Call it energy, call it whatever it is, the self healing, the self reflection is whatever works for you. But you're right, I gave up smoking 21 years ago. I gave up alcohol three and a half years ago. And I've cut back on eating a lot for the last two years. So, yeah, I was a lazy eater. I just eat what's ever in front of me. I'm the person who goes to the buffet and ends up with a plate that's like a mountain of all the food that comes back alcohol. I had no stop button. I was drinking and drinking and drinking. And I was the one at the party who was the one who didn't want to invite at the end. I was always the embassy. And I had to look back at myself and say, who am I? Who do I want to be? Because if I just carry on not engaging in my life and just letting it run itself, I don't like it. I don't like that person. It's not me. I'm seeing a facsimile of me, not me. I had to take a decision. Stop smoking, stop drinking, and think about my calorie intake. Because if I don't do it, no one's going to fix it for me. Right? Right. Yeah. And to Tenya Eickenberg: your point, you have to do what's right for you. Right. If I break my leg, I'm going to the doctor. I'm not going to try to heal it through energy work. I might write, use energy work to help reduce the pain and maybe speed up the healing process. But I'm still going to go to the doctor. Right. Because that's, that's, that's a bone break. That. But there are some things like I don't feel like I need to take medications for my cholesterol that I can fix through energy work and through diet and through exercise and, and healing is not just one faceted like you were saying. You have to, you know, you are focusing on your physical health, right? The, the quitting smoking, the quitting drinking, the eating better. That's gonna be your physical health. But you also have your mental health, your emotional health, your spiritual health. You have these five pillars that you need to address to become the healthiest version of you, that you can become, you can't just focus on one. And that's one thing I learned through this process when I got in, when I found energy healing, that that wasn't enough because I had. It took me about four months to, to heal my anxiety and depression about 80%. But I wasn't doing, I wasn't taking care of myself on those other levels. I wasn't setting boundaries. I was still a people pleaser. I wasn't trying to eat as healthy as I could. I wasn't, I was still smoking when I started on this healing journey. I, I only just quit smoking last July for good. Okay, well done, well done, well done. So, so I smoked for about five years after I started smoking again. Um, I just recently quit alcohol. I think December was the last time I had an alcoholic drink. So it's a process. We're not going to do it all at once. And, and you do have to want to, don't you? And you do. You people can tell you all the. Time, you need Joanne Lockwood: to stop smoking, stop drinking. The government tell you there's labels on cigarette packets, labels on alcohol saying, it's going to kill you. Yeah, yeah, and yeah, kill me tomorrow, maybe not today. We don't believe. We're not going to. We're not going to change because someone tells us to. We've got to find that, that why their own. Why, why do I want to stop fall? Yeah. Yeah. And all you can do is Tenya Eickenberg: when, when somebody says that I'm ready, I'm ready to heal, then they will. You can support them, support them in their journey. And if they slip up, don't mention it. Like, why is it any business of ours to ask somebody? Joanne Lockwood: They'll start bringing shame, start bringing pressure. Just, Tenya Eickenberg: just support them wherever they are. If they tell you that they're going to quit smoking, great. Six months goes by and they haven't quit smoking. It's none of your business why they're still smoking. It's your journey. It's your, you do the best that you can do and you do, you don't, don't let anybody influence you. And, and, and I'm at fault for that. Sometimes I'll have conversations with my husband because he'll mention his back hurts or he's feeling fat or he's gained weight. And I have, I am, I am a Libra. I am a caregiver. And I am a person who loves to give unsolicited advice. That is, that is one of my toxic traits is giving unsolicited advice but it comes from. It comes from a place of love and caring and wanting to help. Hey, but on the flip side of that, you now Joanne Lockwood: get paid to give solicitor advice, so you should balance it out, can't you? Yeah, Tenya Eickenberg: yeah, but. But I have. Have on occasion asked my husband, what are you gonna do about it? And I've had to stop myself. As soon as that enters, as soon as that comes out of my mouth, I turn right back around and go, I am so sorry. It is not. It is not up to me to ask you those questions. Oh, but create space, Joanne Lockwood: it does, so that you can ask yourself that question. Right, right. Tenya Eickenberg: Because. Because they are. Everybody is a reflection of us and what we want to help other people with is often something that we need help with. Joanne Lockwood: My wife, Marie and I, we've noticed over the last 18 to 24 months, since we've been very conscious about our food intake, trying to lose weight, that our. Our daughter and our son and our son's girlfriend and sex sent my mum, have all started embarking on a healthier or conscious mindset about what they're eating and also maybe drinking as well. And we haven't had to fat shame or point out the fat. They've got a few pounds because we were in that position. But I think they can now see a positive example of two people who have taken a choice, embarked on it, and they can visibly see the change in us and the progress we've made. So we haven't got to do anything other than be the best people we could be, exemplify good practise and let them absorb it. But whilst we had a gluttony problem, we were creating the environment in the family where it was okay to be gluttonous. And I think by saying, actually, we're not advocating for that anymore, it rubs off and people go, that's great. You give me permission to do it to themselves. So I think you could become infectious in your. Tenya Eickenberg: Right. You're better behaved as well, can't you? Right. Because then your. Your outer world starts to look like your inner world. So you focus on you. You know, we are. Our first job. We are. It's the old saying, isn't it? Put your own Joanne Lockwood: oxygen mask on first before helping others. Yeah, it is. We're our first job. Tenya Eickenberg: Take care of you first so that you can be there for others. But Joanne Lockwood: is that maybe the mistake you were falling into was trying to be the mom to everybody and fixing everybody else and letting yourself. Yep, absolutely. Tenya Eickenberg: Absolutely. It wasn't until. Until I realised that I really needed to look at myself and, and figure out how can I create a space where I am happy with what I have. And that's when energy healing came into my life. That's when self care really started to show up that it was something that was needed. And you know, my self care was relearning how to be, how to be a emotionally intelligent and healthy minded person. It wasn't, it wasn't about going for weekly massages or getting my nails done or even showering. It wasn't even about that. It was more about allowing myself to worry sometimes or to be sad or to be mad. It was about learning how to set boundaries with people who continued to cross them. And I didn't even realise they were crossing boundaries that my subconscious had made until I started to really question what are my boundaries. Yeah, I suppose unless we plot out Joanne Lockwood: where, where are those things are, what then we can just become uncomfortable when someone transgresses them without realising it. Yeah, yeah. Tenya Eickenberg: When, if somebody makes you frustrated and resentful, they're doing something that is pushing your buttons, they're crossing your boundaries and that's a good time for you to stop and go, what is it that they're actually, what are they doing? What, what boundary are they crossing for? A boundary that I set with my mom was, I had to send her, I sent her an email and told her that I was not going to respond to any emails, texts or phone calls where I was feeling manipulated, bullied or belittled because she would send emails in bright red capital letters like she was yelling at me. And I told her that if she did that I wasn't going to respond to anything in the email. She stopped emailing me, I guess, you know, for what reason. But she did not cross my boundaries, which was amazing. So people will not cross your boundaries if you set them, but if you do set them, make sure you have a consequence and uphold that consequence. Joanne Lockwood: You say in the show notes that you said through about this light bulb moment where people realise they have the power to heal themselves. Surely there's a light bulb before that which is recognising that you need to heal or you need. That's the first step. Yeah, the first step. So people listening to this right now, our listener out there, how can they maybe self identify about this need to heal before we talk about how we get that? I have the power to do it. So if you are feeling Tenya Eickenberg: frustrated with life, you're feeling like life is always happening to you. You're always, you know, you're you're, you're running into the wall, right? Every time you try to do something, this wall gets put up. That is when you realise that there are things in you that probably need to be healed. And like I said, you may have had a wonderful childhood and you may be, you know, I don't know, 40 years old and in a very happy marriage and just think that life, life was actually really grand. But you keep hitting walls every time you try to move forward to do something. There's probably things in there that need to be healed that you don't remember. And again, that's where energy healing comes in and is so helpful because you don't have to remember, you don't have to relive what you've gone through. But if, yeah, if you're feeling frustrated with life, relationships aren't going well. You know, just sit back and just, just, just think, is there something in me that I need to address on a deeper level? And your conscious mind will say, no there's not. Your ego will say, no there's not. But if you are human, there's something to, there's something to heal if you're feeling frustrated with life. So obviously reaching out to you is a good option for Joanne Lockwood: the next stage. But how can we maybe think about our own first aid, our own triage to help us on this journey from realisation to taking, taking our own power. What can we do there? Start with self care. Tenya Eickenberg: Start with really looking at how are you taking care of yourself? Where on those five pillars are you not taking care of yourself? And pick one. Start with honestly I would start with emotional. Emotional or mental is where I would start because those are gonna help you move forward in that physical, spiritual or energetic, those energetic pillars. But start with one of those and figure out what self care you need to help with those pillars and start there. I would love to say start by calling me, but my, my goal as a, as a coach is to empower you to know that you can heal yourself. I'm just a guide. I, I can help you to release some of those energetic blocks. I had energetic blocks to self care and so I had to work on myself energetically before I could do the self care work. But there are a lot of people who can do the self care work with little, with some ease and then you become consistent with it and then you can add in all the other stuff. So start with the self care. Start by putting you first so that you can take care of others. And I will tell you, I will be blunt if that means you have to get up an hour earlier and go to bed an hour earlier, then that's what you do. I love it when people tell me they don't have time for self care. Because I will find you the time. Yeah, it's the old adage, isn't it? You've always got Joanne Lockwood: time for things you want to do. You never have time for the medicine, you never have time for the pain. So if it's important to you, you've realised the light bulbs come on. The first bulb, I need to do something. Second light bulb fires. I have the power to do it myself. And that is I have to take personal responsibility. Because no one's gonna do it for me. Nope. No. No. And until it's a priority, it will never happen. Yep. And I call myself out all the time. Tenya Eickenberg: I don't hold myself accountable for a lot of things. I'm still growing, I'm still learning, I'm still healing. We shouldn't beat ourselves up. No. We should just recognise what's going Joanne Lockwood: on. Say, well, I made that choice today. Yep. If I don't want to make that choice tomorrow, that's within me. I can make a different choice tomorrow. But I made that choice today. As you said earlier. Am I leaning into that or am I leaning out from it? How am I feeling if I've lent into it? I can't beat myself up because it felt right. Exactly. Tenya Eickenberg: Exactly. And the day you have that light bulb, it Joanne Lockwood: goes, actually, that's not me. Tomorrow, then you lean in. And tomorrow is different. Yep. Yep. And just, just take Tenya Eickenberg: each day as it's the first day. Really, don't worry about tomorrow. Cause that's where anxiety comes from. And don't worry about what you did yesterday because you can't change the past. I've not been drinking alcohol for about 1200 Joanne Lockwood: days today. Each day. I don't drink alcohol. I have the choice tomorrow. I can. I can have the choice today if I want, but I've chosen today. I'm not going to. And I keep making that choice. I'm not denying myself. I've just made that choice every day. And I actually make that affirmation with myself every morning when I wake up. No, I don't say, at the end of the day, have I drunk. I start the day by, I'm not gonna have a drink today. Right? Yeah. And you're gonna make that choice every day. I'm gonna be doing this today, not what did I do? Because it's too late to correct. So I made that positive start. Tenya Eickenberg: Yep, absolutely. You know, it's been absolutely Joanne Lockwood: a wonderful conversation. It's been mind expanding. How can people get hold of you? So our fabulous listener, who's got a way to the end, how can they get ahold of you? You can go to my website, designyourexistence.com Tenya Eickenberg: you can also find me on Facebook and Instagram, designyourexistence and on all of your podcast platforms. I have my own podcast, the Metamorphosis Project. Fascinating. Fascinating. I'm gonna have to tune Joanne Lockwood: into that. I'll put all the details in the show notes so we can find those. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. Tenya Eickenberg: I've loved this conversation. As we Joanne Lockwood: bring this conversation to a close, I want to express my deepest gratitude to you, our listener, for lending your ear and heart to the cause of inclusion. Today's discussion struck a chord. Consider subscribing to Inclusion Bites and become part of our ever about growing community driving real change. Share this journey with friends, family and colleagues. Let's amplify the voices that matter. Got thoughts, stories or a vision to share? I'm all ears. Reach out to jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk and let's make your voice heard. Until next time, this is Joanne Lockwood signing off with a promise to return with more enriching narratives that challenge, inspire and unite us all. Here's to fostering a more inclusive world one episode at a time. Catch you on the next bite.